I’m Not Okay & That’s Okay!

We can’t always be happy … and that’s ok!

Yep, you heard me. My name is Bernessa and I’m not happy! It feels kind of good to “say” it out loud! You know it’s tiring holding it together and pretending everything’s great, when it’s not. I bet you’d never have guessed that I of all people, would write a post like this. Why not you ask? Probably because:

a) if we’re friends on Facebook then you’d see that I’m always travelling to new and exotic destinations and catching up with friends from around the world (how can she be unhappy when she is seeing the world);

b) if you know me then you know I’m a positive person and am always THAT person who tries to turn every negative around (that’s because I’m a giver and I want people to get the most out of life);

c) because I never tell you differently. Nope! I’m the person that bottles it all up and pretends things are hunky dory. There you go. Now you know the truth! Why on earth would you think I was unhappy, especially if I don’t tell you!

But I’ve realized that it’s ok to be unhappy and in actual fact, I’m here to say that I think it’s important to let others know. Why? Because the reality is, we are all battling unhappiness. I don’t care what your FB feed says. The truth is that we are complex human beings with fluctuating emotions. If we constantly bombard our walls with positivity, we are showing that we experience one single emotion and those who are on the receiving end following our “happiness” are made to feel inadequate, unhappy, bored, lost, sad, frustrated etc. But those people are our “friends” or acquaintances so why do we want to make them feel that way? I don’t have the answer but I have decided to take a break from the social media world to see if it changes anything. Facebook is a great tool to keep in touch with friends and the updates make you feel closer to the person when you’re far away.

However, this post isn’t about social media. It’s about being ok with expressing your emotions, good and bad, and that’s ok!

If happiness is a passing emotion, then why do we strive for it constantly? Don’t get me wrong, I love my life, the things I choose to do with my time, the people I surround myself with, my family, my travels, hobbies and if you look at my Facebook page, I’m sure there are people sitting on their couches at home hating me. “she is always travelling”, “I never know where she is”, “always happy photos with different people”, “always experiencing something new”, “gosh, how is she able to live and afford that lifestyle?”. We judge by what we see, hear and are told because that’s what we do as human beings.

My response would be; I’m happy you pay attention to my Facebook page and yes on a whole I am a happy and positive person, but I have my fair share of bad days. I have days when I question what I’m doing here, what’s the point, do I have the energy to go on, it’s lonely, I feel inadequate, unloved, like I want to crawl up in a ball and stay there forever. Tears roll down my cheek and I can’t stop them. Am I normal? Do you have similar experiences? How will I know if it’s just me if I don’t ask? Will you be honest with me and tell me that life is hard? That you’re sad too? That things aren’t going your way, that you can’t find someone to love, that you find it difficult to face certain circumstances, you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel?

I hope you can feel better knowing that there is someone, even if just 1 person out there who feels the same.

What am I going to do about feeling like this? The same thing I do every day. I’m going to accept how I feel, take time out for myself, do some exercise, talk to a friend, meditate, read a book or listen to music and know that experiencing different emotions is something that we as humans do, and that’s ok.